Come in, hang out, be inspired (hopefully).

Welcome one and all to The Diary of a Chunky White Guy. I hope this blog will keep me inspired in my weight loss goals, but I also hope to help others who are struggling with their weight, whether they're ten pounds or two hundred overweight. I'm not a doctor, and I'm not a psychologist, but perhaps by posting my struggles, victories and viewpoints, I can make a difference in someone's life.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Silly Rabbit or What To Do With A Craving

The story I'm about to unfold is a tale of wanton lust and desire. It may contain descriptions too unsettling for younger readers. Discretion is advised, but only if you're a weenie.

     As most of you know, I've recently rededicated myself to the cause of losing weight and generally being healthier, and as of March 1st, 2013 I have managed to lose 25.8 pounds. This is the single biggest weight loss that I've experienced in my entire life. It feels really, really good. I've accomplished this feat by adhering to the principles that I decided upon way back in 2010 when I started this blog. I'm being sensible about my diet, I've laid off drinking soda, and I've almost completely cut out fast food. I've also been exercising more, and generally just trying to better myself. One of my biggest struggles however, is that when I have a craving for something, the craving


     I get it in my head that I want something (usually cookies. Mmmmm, cookies.) and that feeling stays with me until I either indulge it, or try to fool my head into believing it's had what it thinks it needs. This usually involves healthier junk food like a Skinny Cow snack or something of the ilk. I'm getting better at managing the cravings, but every now and again one throws me for a loop. This is a story of one of those days.

     While at work yesterday, in the middle of picking up a heavy thing and measuring it, my brain decides to send me a craving. The craving wasn't fully formed yet, but I knew I was hungry for...something. I shook it off, went and got a few cups of water, then went back to lifting and measuring heavy things. Lunchtime came and went (I had an awesome salad) and still this vague notion of want lingered in my subconscious. I tried again to shake it off, but as the day wore on, the fog inside my mind began to lift, and I suddenly realized what I wanted, I realized what vital foodstuff that my body needed inside of it RIGHT NOW.


     Trix cereal. You know, with the rabbit. The one that's "just for kids." Fruity, crunchy, Trix. I was taken aback at first. Out of all the cereals that I've consumed in my lifetime, Trix has never been a particular favorite. I mean, I LIKE it but I never expected it to be on a list of things that I'd crave. I hadn't eaten Trix in years, and right then for whatever reason, my body needed those little fruit-shaped, crispy pieces like a smoker needs a cigarette after a stressful day. I pushed the thought aside and clocked out for the day. I had to hurry home so I could get showered, changed and then head to play rehearsal. Throughout the drive home, the dulcet tones of Ira Glass' "This American Life" were droned out by my brain's one constant thought, one singular word repeated in my mind:


     I did not have time to stop at the grocery I told myself that...Trix...I didn't need any..Trix...right now and that this was...Trix a dumb craving...Trix and I couldn't possibly..Trix...want cereal that badly...Trix. "I'm fine. I'm an adult," I told myself. "The only kind of cereal I need now has lots of fiber and protein in it. It keeps me full and keeps me regular. I don't need any stupid...Trix." After eating a nice club sandwich from Subway, I got home, showered and went to rehearsal. Rehearsing kept my mind off of the craving for a while. So much so that I forgot to stop at the on the way home. I had planned to go in there and buy a small box of...Trix. Once at home, I sat down and...Trix...went about the nightly texting with my girlfriend, Christina. We exchanged stories of our day and I her my weird craving for Trix..Trix. She mistakenly thought that I was texting her while on the way home, so later on she asked if I had gotten my cereal. I told her no, that I had...Trix...forgotten but that this craving was driving me nuts...Trix. We exchanged goodnights, and I went off to bed. I did not dream of Trix that night, but my first thought this morning besides "OH CRAP I'M RUNNING LATE!" was "Man, I gotta get some Trix today."

     The drumbeat of that little four letter word had died down quite a bit, and I didn't think about that fruity deliciousness for the rest of the day, except for a fleeting thought that I had beaten another craving. The workday ended, and I headed home. I reminded myself to stop at the grocery store for dog food, and as soon as I stepped foot into that building, a giant fire alarm of want sounded in my head. This time, my mind was sending me even clearer messages:


     I caved. I got the dog food, then headed to the cereal aisle. I began to get frantic. I COULD NOT FIND THE FRIGGING TRIX! Every other cereal imaginable was there except for the one that would quell the hungry beast in my head. In a moment of panic, I sent Christina a text saying "HOW CAN THEY NOT HAVE TRIX AT WINN-DIXIE?" Then I immediately realized that I was in the Kellog's section of the cereal aisle. I went down to the General Mills area, and there it was. A big, red box of Trix, located directly under the Kix, which was hilarious to me, for some reason. I sent Christina another text, apologizing for my previous text, then proceeded to the checkout line. I made it home without ripping into the box and just pouring it on my face, which at one time seemed like a viable option. Once at home, I took care of my dogs, changed my clothes and sat down to finally put an end to this torment.

They were...okay.

     They tasted like I remembered, but somehow weren't as delicious as I recalled. They certainly didn't warrant the stuff my brain had put me through for two days. They were good, though, and my mind was suddenly at rest. Whatever caused me to want that specific flavor of food had been satiated. I took a look at the nutrition label: 120 calories in a cup, plus my milk. It's not a steep caloric price to pay for quieting a craving. I can live with that.

 Today's moral of the story: When you're trying to eat better, every now and then it's okay to give in to a craving. Just don't go nuts.

Anyone want a 3/4 full box of..Trix?

Until next time, Dragon Slayers.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Blogging, or "Oh How I've Missed You!"

All right, all right, I know it's been a month since my last blog post. Don't be too harsh with me though, as I have had a multitude of things going on with my internet connection and lack of much to talk about. That is about to change though, because I have some good news, Dragon Slayers.

I ventured yesterday to Jennings and made my way to the Healthy Size weight loss clinic. I paid them thirty bucks, sat through a nutrition class and made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow. In addition to that, I stepped on the scales for the first time since August.

Thirteen pounds.

No, that's not how much I way, smart aelicks, that's how much I've lost. I must say all of you who suggested that I go and weigh back in August were correct. It feels good to see where I've come since then, so thanks to you all for convincing me and giving me your support. Thirteen pounds in two months is pretty good considering that I wasn't able to get to the gym much in September, or the first part of this month.

I read somewhere that for every pound you lose, there are four pounds of pressure taken off of your knees. This is a good thing, and I think once I lose the next twenty or so, I may try to increase my workout plans to include the treadmill and perhaps some weight lifting. Until then though, it's back to the Body Pump routine and the continuance of upholding my Ten Commandments. I'm also following a nutrition guideline set up for me by the nice nutrition counselor at Healthy Size.

One other thing I learned about yesterday is my BMI, or Body Mass Index. I've known what BMI is, but have always been afraid to check mine out. Basically it's telling you the percentage of fat in your body versus everything else. Mine is split right down the middle. I am 50 percent fat and 50 percent other stuff. My target BMI is between 8 and 20 percent, so I have a long way to go. I noticed that even if I got down to zero percent body fat (not likely to happen) I'd still be a pretty big dude, 6'4", 217 pounds. This sort of makes me anxious to see what I'll look like once I get my BMI down to say, thirty five. I'm wondering at what weight will I start to really feel good about myself. I'm proud of myself now for coming this far, but I wonder at what point I will see myself and go "Hmm, you're not a bad looking fella, all this stuff is paying off."

I'll be doing a weigh in every week as long as I'm going to the clinic, so I should be able to monitor my progress, and also it will give me some points to ponder and even write about.

Right now my current weight is 437 and my BMI is 50. I've set my next milestone at 420 pounds, but I'm not sure how my BMI is going to be affected, so I don't really have a goal for it just yet. I need to see how it fluctuates in regards to my exercise and diet plan.

Also at the clinic, I'm going to be receiving a vitamin b-12/metabolism boost injection every week. This apparently will give me lots more energy and make my body more efficient at burning food. Excellent. I have researched the place and the injection, this is all legit and it's a clinic run by an MD. I'm gonna try the injection for a while and see how it makes me feel. If I start to feel strange or unwell, I'll stop taking it. I'm mostly interested in the B-12, so I can see exactly how much more I can do with more energy.

I'm still fighting AT&T about the quality of my internet service, but I will try to be more diligent in getting a blog written either at home or a wi-fi spot. I have missed everyone's comments and support, and I appreciate all you Dragon Slayers accompanying me in my journey.

Today's moral? Thirteen isn't always an unlucky number.

Until next time, Dragon Slayers.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Back In The Saddle Again or "Here Comes The Pain...In Your Quads"

So I swear I haven't stopped blogging on purpose. I haven't abandoned this venture, and I haven't abandoned my lifestyle change. I'm currently in a bit of a tussle with AT&T who insist that I went over my data limit the night that I was in New Roads performing Of Mice and Men. At this point, my internet was only connecting at .03 megabits a second and even if I had TRIED to use five gigs of data, I think that it would have been impossible for me to do so in just a few hours. The long and short of it is, my internet has been suspended until October 4, and I'm currently trying to just get out of my contract and get DSL at my house. Until then, I have to rely on public Wi-Fi for my internet needs, and I have been super busy and haven't been able to get around to posting a blog update.

You may be asking right now, "Well, that's all well and good Casey, but how is your journey going?"

Pretty dang well, if I do say so myself. Rehearsals and performances of various plays have kept me out of the gym more than I wanted, but I have lost a considerable amount of inches and yesterday I wore a shirt that I haven't been able to wear, well, ever. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

I'm still eating right, still enjoying my slow but steady transformation, and as of today I hit the gym once again for BodyPump (cue ominous music and screams of anguish). Today, I also start working out with my mystery buddy (who will not be named until/unless he/she wants to be). I've secured them a guest pass at the gym and they will be joining me for BodyPump awesomeness.

I also have another driving force behind my journey: NightFears.

NightFears is the play in which I am currently performing, and let me tell you folks, it's a doozy. It is a unique, powerful look at people's fears in the 21st century, and it's been a fantastic stretch for my acting muscles (as well as excellent sweaty work that I've used to diminish my fat cells). The co-writer/director of the play has decided that he is going to try to get the show added to The Fringe Festival next year. The Fringe Festival is a festival geared toward alternative, edgy theatre. I couldn't be more stoked about it. The reason that this is a driving force in my weight loss journey is that the festival will either be in New York or Chicago. This will entail flying. At my current size, there's no way I'd be comfortable flying, and I might have to be one of those guys who has to pay for two seats. That ain't gonna happen, my friends. Plus, if I get all super slim and sexy, some hot New York theatre vixen might sweep me off my feet or vice versa. Chance favors the prepared mind, and, in this case, the prepared body.

So, now to get to it. Back to the sweaty, crampy, awesome world of BodyPump, and onward into the future of a slimmer, healthier me.

Today's moral? If you don't wanna buy two seats on an airplane, you'd better get to sweatin'.

Until next time, Dragon Slayers

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Ups And Downs or "Where Ya Been, Stranger?"

Umm, hi.

So yeah, it's been nine days since I last blogged, but it's not my fault, I swear. Stupid internet at my house has been stupid, and I haven't been able to make it to a wifi spot in order to blog until now.

These past nine days have actually gone by fairly fast. I'm nearing the end of rehearsals for both plays now, so soon I will be able to get back to the gym on a regular basis. Of Mice and Men opens on Friday for our one night revival, and NightFears opens on Saturday. Once the shows open, I will go back to my regular schedule of work then gym before I go home. I have been able to squeeze two visits in, which I know isn't great, but what's a guy gonna do? Also, in the past couple of days, my "no fast food" streak was broken. I was coming back from rehearsal in New Roads on Sunday (that's about an hour away for the uninitiated) after eight hours of rehearsal. I didn't eat on our dinner break because I didn't want to have a hamburger and fries and that's what was brought for everyone to eat. I snacked on some pretzels, thinking I'd just grab Subway on the way home, but alas, Subway was closed by the time I got back to town. I ignored my cravings for some Raising Cane's goodness and instead chose a grilled chicken quesadilla and a soft taco from Taco Bell.

I hated every bite. Apparently what everyone is saying is true. The longer you go without fast food, the worse it tastes when you do have to eat it. I also felt bad for breaking one of my Ten Commandments. It had to be done, however, and I won't be doing it again if I can help it.

Another down bit occurred when I tried on my Of Mice and Men costume. It fit comfortably last year, but apparently I have outgrown the overalls. I thought I'd lost enough in inches to fit in them, but not just yet, apparently. I was a little bummed about that, but I'm just wearing jeans now. The rest of the costume fits just fine.

So those are the downs. I do have a couple of ups. Well, one major up anyway.

I will soon have a regular workout buddy. They will remain nameless at this time, until I have the okay to mention them on here, but as soon as my rehearsals are over, we will be venturing to the gym together. They called me out of the blue and asked about my plan to lose weight and they decided they wanted in on it as well. I'm super pumped that I've been able to inspire someone on the same journey as me. I'm looking forward to posting more about our progress as we go on.

Well, that's about all I have for today. So let's's moral? A journey of this magnitude is bound to have peaks and valleys. It's what you do in the valleys that get you back up to the peaks.

I'm looking forward to getting back up to a peak.

Until next time, dragon slayers.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

State Of The Weight Address or "How Long Have You Been On That Bike?"

So yesterday while I was at the gym I get a phone call. It was my good friend and fellow weight loss blogger, Jeff (

"Hey man, what's going on?" said Jeff.

"Oh, not much, I'm just here at the gym. I'm on the bike today."

"The bike, huh?" Jeff queried. "Did you just get started? You're not even breathing hard."

"Let's see, I've been on here..."

At that point, I moved my sweat towel from over the bike timer.

"Twenty eight minutes."

Twenty eight minutes on the bike and I wasn't even breathing hard. Not too bad for a fat guy. I hadn't gotten to the gym much in the past week and a half because of all the play rehearsal I had been doing. I was worried that when I went in there that I would have lost a step. Turns out, not only didn't I lose a step, I actually improved my time spent exercising. The last time I was at the gym I did thirty minutes, yesterday I pushed it to forty. Even at forty minutes, I wasn't that tired, but I could feel the lactic acid building up in my side, and quite frankly, the seat on the bike was starting to hurt my butt. Those machines are not built for larger folks, which I find sort of weird since, theoretically, we are the ones that should be using them.

I started this blog on August 5th, and in twenty-four days I have managed to go from barely being able to do ten non stop minutes on the bike to a whopping forty minutes, stopping only briefly to adjust my position on the seat or adjust my feet in the pedal straps.

On top of that, the eating portion of my lifestyle change is still going well. I'm fairly sure I'm eating less than 2000 calories a day, and I don't usually feel hungry or like I'm being deprived. I cheated a tiny bit today and had some barbecued ribs for lunch, but I didn't eat the potato salad or the rice dressing. I basically had four small ribs and a small portion of baked beans. I've also not had a non diet soda in 24 days, and maybe only two or three diet sodas. Mostly I've been drinking water. A LOT of water. I have a bottle that holds forty ounces and I go through probably three of those a day.

I feel better, I seem to be more energetic, I have a higher tolerance for the heat, and I feel good about myself. Today I'm wearing a shirt that I haven't worn in probably six months. It's good day.

For those of you out there who are on the fence about starting a new lifestyle, please come down of the fence and jump in. It's not as hard as you imagine it will be, and the benefits are fantastic. If I'm feeling like this after less than a month, I can't imagine how I'm going to feel in six or twelve. It's worth the effort.

I'm also happy to report that my good friend Jeff just celebrated a milestone in his lifestyle change. He was able to buckle his seat belt for the first time in months. Good on you, sir. I'm proud of you.

Today's moral: The best things come to those who get off their butts and go after them.

Until next time, dragon slayers.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

This One Kind Of Makes Ya Think or What Kind Of Fencing?

Hey everyone. I don't have too much to report on personally today, but I did run across an interesting blog today and thought I'd share. Go ahead and click the link, read the story and then continue with this one. The blog is by one of my favorite writers on the web, Ms. Andrea Rothe. Her blogs are always interesting and honest, and quite frankly amazing pieces of thought. The title of her blog is a touch indelicate, I know, but her content is amazing. So check the link out, then get back here for my thoughts.

Okay, glad you're back. How about that story, eh?

He trains six to seven hours a DAY. Every day. And he's in a wheelchair.

What the hell have I been doing with my body all this time? It functions normally, and I gripe and moan if I get a bit sweaty. This man has overcome so many obstacles and so many challenges and has a physically debilitating disease.

This story really made me take a look at what I'm doing currently in this new lifestyle, and it made me ask myself how much more I could do. I said in an earlier blog that with a sound mind and good attitude anything was possible. Rick Zengler proves that. He's just an amazing, amazing guy. Thanks to Andrea for that story, and thanks to Rick for being an inspiration to everyone.

So that's it for today everyone. Today's moral? Maybe doing 45 minutes on the exercise bike instead of 30 isn't really that hard.

Until next time, dragon slayers.

Monday, August 23, 2010

I'm Melting, I'm Melting, Look At Me, I'm Melting or "Hold On, Let Me Pull Up My Pants"

"Throw back the shoulders, let the heart sing, let the eyes flash, let the mind be lifted up, look upward and say to yourself... Nothing is impossible!"
~ Norman Vincent Peale

I'm shrinking.


But surely.

I'm shrinking.

It's cool when hard work pays off. I noticed yesterday during rehearsal that my pants kept falling down. This is a good thing usually, but when you're trying to act and you still have a script in your hand, it can be a bit awkward trying to hitch up the old britches while you're moving from point to point on the stage. It's all good though, I'll take the inconvenience of pants slippage any day, as long as it means my lifestyle change is having an effect.

Other things I've noticed: I can now climb both flights of stairs at work without getting out of breath. This is a biggie. My energy level has increased, as has my endurance. If the rehearsals for this play had been going on a month ago, I probably wouldn't have been able to handle the physical aspect of rehearsing in a sauna and all of the different movements we're having to do.

I haven't gone back and weighed in because I don't really want to, and I don't feel it's necessary at this point. I know I'm moving in a positive direction, and that will suffice for the time being. My very short term goal is to be able to fit comfortably in my Lennie costume when we perform "Of Mice and Men" on September 10th. The last time I wore it was February of last year. I tried it on earlier this year and it was a bit snug. I have a feeling I'm going to make it. I've also noticed that my dress shirt for work is getting considerably more loose.

I haven't made it to the gym due to an insane rehearsal schedule, but we were able to rearrange rehearsals so that we're not busy every night during the week. This will allow me to get back into the gym starting tomorrow. I've been missing it, and I just can't seem to make myself get up at dark thirty in the morning. But my change in eating combined with the massive amount of movement and sheer sweat loss that happens during rehearsals have been an acceptable substitute. I actually sweat more in that building than I do in a Body Pump class. That being said, I look forward to being able to Pump it up again.

Well, that's pretty much it on my end for right now. Before I go however, I feel compelled to post the following poem. Most of you have probably read it, but it never hurts to read something like this again. It's my dad's favorite poem and I'm actually looking at a copy that he got for Christmas a few years ago. It's mounted on a wooden frame and it's written on yellow parchment that looks like it has been burned around the edges. I find inspiration in this on almost a daily basis. I hope you can too. I put my favorite part in bold.

Until next time, Dragon Slayers


Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.