Well, I did it. I slayed a dragon. A pretty big dragon, as far as dragons go.
But I got a little singed in the process.
Fairly early this morning I get to the doctor's office that I had mentioned yesterday, find a parking space, and walk quite a long way into the medical plaza. I take an elevator up to the second floor, find the office amid myriad other offices, and speak to the receptionist. She tells me that she'd be more than happy to let me use their scale, and would I mind waiting for a minute. I waited for several. After a while, a nurse comes into the room and whisks me to the back of the office and puts me on...a regular manual scale. They only go to 350. This is why I was seeking out this particular office, because supposedly they had a scale that could go higher. I mentioned this to the nurse and she informs me that the digital scale no longer works.
Perfect.
Not k nowing what to do, I worked for a little while in that town, then decided to look up weight management clinics. I figure if anyone would have a scale to fit a Chunky White Guy, it would be them. I found one a couple of towns over, drove out there, worked for a while then decided to pay the weight management clinic a visit. I tell the receptionist what's going on, and she says I can use their electronic fancy schmancy BMI scale for five dollars. Way to take advantage of a fat man in need. I agree to the fee, fill out some information for them to put in the scale, and wait in the lobby for another nurse. All this time, I am just dreading stepping on the thing. After what seems like an eternity, a friendly nurse escorts me back to her office, instructs me to take off my shoes and socks and climb aboard this big white scale. I close my eyes and wait for the outcome.
Nothing happens.
The kind nurse instructs me to step off, then step on again. I close my eyes and wait for the outcome.
Nothing happens again.
She assures me that the scale must be malfunctioning and has me go to another room with another, less fancy scale. I climb on board, and this time I don't close my eyes. I wish I would have.
4.5.0.
Yikes. Nowhere ever in my wildest dream did I ever think I weighed that much. I was shell shocked. I sat in a chair while I put my socks and shoes on, and the nurse invited me to become a member of their clinic. I told her "no thanks for right now, but maybe some other time", I took some literature that they gave me and went to the pay window. There was no charge because "the scale didn't work". I must have looked really, really sad.
I went out to my truck and immediately all the thoughts that I knew I would have started poking around in my head: "lazy", "failure", "fat", "sloppy". All of em and more. I tried to keep in mind that I was changing my lifestyle, but nothing was making it better, so I did what every grown man does in a time of difficulty.
I called my mother.
I told her what was going on, she said she figured that I weighed more than I thought I did. She had guessed 435. I wish she had been right. We talked for a long time, and as usual, she made me feel better. I then got a facebook message from my "invisible friend" who has been supporting me since I started this venture. She made me feel better, and I went about the rest of my day.
It's so easy for things to get away from us. Money, relationships, weight, or just life in general. If you're not on top of your game, taking absolute care of certain things, disaster can and will hit. This feels like a mini disaster to me, but as my invisible friend put it, "it's just a number, it's not you. And there's nothing you can do about it besides what you're already doing".
So what did I do?
I went to Body Pump today at 5:30, got in the room with all the ladies (and one other dude, the husband of one of the ladies) and worked my butt off. My chest and arms hurt like hell, but I was able to do more today than I did on Monday. Progress. All I can do is try to make progress. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I just have to tuck my chin in, take a deep breath and keep running. Keep running and not look back at the past, but with my eyes straight ahead staring at the future, a healthier, awesomer me.
I couldn't have done this today without all of your help. My faithful few readers and responders really helped me yesterday. I felt all of you pushing me into that doctor's office this morning, and it felt good to know you all were behind me. It still feels good. So I dedicate the moral of today's blog to you all (and my invisible pal):
When you're going off to slay a dragon, you'd best bring some friends with you. You never know when you'll need help.
Thanks, fellow dragon slayers. You guys complete me.
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I think your doing fantastical. Let's just say.finding your true weight is a.standard to follow...when you feel.down just think how hard you are working and how many people you are inspiring. You can do it !
ReplyDeleteWhat a tough day. Your imaginary friend hit it right on the nail. You aren't that number. Maybe you were when you weren't making an effort and you were eating crap when you knew good and well that it was bad for you, but you're certainly not that number anymore.
ReplyDeleteYou've made great strides in a very short amount of time. Measure your success in the inches you lose, in how much better you feel, in how much easier it is to accomplish physical tasks, and how many more minutes you can stay on that bike. Then, when you step on that scale the next time, the number will be nowhere near what it was today.
Dude...just think of the next Flogging Molly show. I'll see you there and the beers will be on me. I know what you're going through with this one...I've struggled with my weight and the motivation to do something about it for years. I've found that the best workouts are the ones you're not thinking about. I started playing softball with the company team and I've lost 20 pounds. Now if I can only make a change in my diet and the rest of the days of the week when I'm not on the field. Don't for get we love you dude.
ReplyDeleteDude.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, good on ya for overcoming those fears and getting yourself weighed. Believe it or not, knowing is better than not knowing. However, the number we want to see is almost never on that scale. But that's the way it oughta be. Guys like you and me have no choice but to stay at it and never be satisfied. Not until we've reached our goals should we be content. But that's when the real challenge starts, old friend. So, in the words of Winston Churchill (In that one episode of "Doctor Who"): Keep Buggering On. You can do it. WE can do it.
We are all still here Casey and none of us will leave simply because of your weight. Your friend was SOOOO right. You are more than a number, more than a statistic, more than some guy on a scale. You are witty, genuine, fun-loving and more importantly, our friend!!! I wish you the very best of success with Body Pump and your eating!!!
ReplyDeleteBridget
That was really emotional even for me as the reader! I love you Casey and am very proud of you! Remember you got the victory today when you stepped foot in that body pump class and didn't go home and wallow in self pity! Today's moral: we can be overcomers!
ReplyDeleteI don't know what is better...your excellent writing Casey or the amazing comments and support your friends are showing. I just got back from a transport at 11PM and this dang read is making me tear up. (remind me to punch you in the kidneys later)
ReplyDeleteI'll TTYL about all this. I am tired.
Still proud of ya, love like no other.
Casey, please don't be discouraged! You know now, and though it isn't what you wish it was (when is it ever?) you have the power to make it to that number through your sheer force of will. Isn't that awesome? I know everyone has bad days, but I can already tell that you have a lot of willpower. You can do this.
ReplyDeleteAnd you'll be glad in the end that you found out. This number will allow you to compare your successes. My advice is to not weigh yourself too often. I did once a week, but if I could have held out longer, I would have. If you know you're doing the right things to lose weight, you don't need to confirm it on the scale every other day. Weight fluctuations will drive you crazy and make you feel like you're doing something wrong.
So if you don't have a scale readily available to you, wait until maybe next month to go get weighed! And remember that results are more than just the numbers. It takes a while to start dropping those. But you'll know if it's working if you feel better and have more stamina. And you can drop inches without dropping pounds.
We love you!
Hey My Casey :) I am glad that I could be there for you. That is what Mom's are for. I have had battles of my own to fight for years and I know you will win this one.
ReplyDeleteYour Brudda and your Mudda love you and so do a lot of other people.
Hang in there!!!
Hugz